I met a girl two years ago. We met at work. There was a magical substance that passed between our eyes.

The problem? She had just got engaged and didn’t want to know about anyone else. We had a stupendous chemistry at work. Doing the service with her meant we could go through the chaos and come out smiling. Then she left the job, and we remained friends.

We never forgot each other.

So I tell you what happens in these cases.

You like her, but she, or he, or they, are committed.

One day, she calls you to go out together.

You know it is a waste of time, but you remember those days, you had a good time, she owes you a lot and so do you to her. She owes you a lot because she was messed up and being with you helped her put things in order, you owe her a lot because you were a foreigner in a foreign Country, and someone finally judged you for what you were and not your nationality.

We’ve all been there a bit.

You finally decide to go out with her.

In two years, you’ve seen the photos she put on Instagram of her and her boyfriend, of the times they travelled, of the times they celebrated an important event, maybe a birthday, maybe Christmas. And you know those photos are still there and you wonder: yeah, alright, we’re friends, but why?

I mean, you go out.

She’s made herself pretty, she’s got a new haircut, a bit of make-up, she’s dressed up, and it’s impossible not to notice that she’s exuding a nice fragrance, and I’m not just talking about perfume, it’s an ingredient that imbues her.

You hope for it, of course.

You’ve already met her with others, and the chemistry between you two has never slipped away.

Then take a seat at a beer garden. We haven’t seen each other in a while, and we have a lot to catch up on. I have just opened a business and she is changing parts of her life. She tells you that she got a promotion at work and so she offers you your first beer. She tells you she is moving to another flat and suddenly there is that hope.

She and her boyfriend live together at his parents’. They have had conflicting moments and she felt compelled to take her own space. She leaves. She finds a new flat because she wants to save their relationship.

We spend two hours or more talking. Sometimes we brush against each other, I even caress her face.

Then, the evening ends, we part.

I think maybe there is hope. If maybe we end up seeing each other more, hanging out once a week, she might choose me over him.

No, that’s not how it works. There are too many factors.

The next day, you turn on Instagram. First thing in the morning. You’ve been fantasising all night and suddenly, she’s changed her profile picture. For the first time, she also put him in the profile pic.

Your time is precious. It is very nice to have friends, even of the opposite sex, especially if there is a good feeling attached.

People choose their partners for a variety of reasons and if you think that stealing the woman, or the man etc., from them is a clever move just because you have feelings, you are a fool.

I believe that if the person you like knows your value but despite that wants to be with their partner, then you have to move on. It means that there is something you do not know about her, something that is not for you, that in no way can benefit you. I know that 99% of the relationships that are born out of stealing someone else’s woman are in ruins or already over.

If they know your value, they will choose you. If this does not happen, well ask yourself why that happens. You are not the problem. Do you understand? You are not the problem here.

And these questions have one and only one answer: toxic relationships.

Let’s go back. Throughout the evening, she has done nothing but point out that her boyfriend would need therapy, that things are not going well, that it is better to have one’s own space etc., yet she chooses him.

Get over it. I have come to terms with it, and although in the past I have suffered from being discarded by a woman, I now rejoice in it. Better that way. You have avoided an immense misfortune.

We deserve someone who discovers us, wishes to reside in our world and explores it in its thousands of facets. But if you are obsessed with a woman who continues to prefer a degenerative situation to the possibility you offer her, let her go. Let them go. Kiss them goodbye.

Good to have friends. Good to seek for your situation.

Be obsessed with the improvement, not with bodies, with things that are more ephemeral than life itself. Beauty vanishes at the first glare of psychopathy, blue eyes become stormy seas at the first betrayal.

Friendship is a gift and must be preserved.

Do not waste time hoping for changes that some people are not willing to make.

Remember that words can be persuasive and charming, but if those words are not followed by deeds, they remain sounds without melody.

And you want melodies in your life not just noises.