Feeling lost in a world full of opportunities and entertainment.

I’m talking about that part of the world lucky enough not to have to worry about bombs raining down from the sky or famine and floods.

Feeling lost.

My girlfriend asked me the other night: How do you feel? What are you feeling?

I asked her to be more specific, and she told me to express whatever came to mind.

I replied: I often feel lost. I wander around the city during the day, look around me, and don’t feel part of this humanity.

She listened silently.

So I continued.

I feel lost. It’s not necessarily a negative feeling. Sometimes it is, sometimes it has been. At times like these, the sense of being lost can overwhelm and suffocate you. I have thought about suicide in the past. An eternal force saved me from committing it (I wrote about it here).

I told her that when you grow up without a father figure, boys tend to lose their way, to be rebellious, reckless, to live a life feeling powerless and robbed.

You know you’re not like the others.

You know you suffer twice as much.

You cry less, perhaps, but the pain in certain circumstances is excruciating.

You never know which direction is the right one.

I left university too early.

I loved women who didn’t even deserve a smile of my time.

I had problems with affection, authority, and myself.

You find yourself an artist and do not know what to do with your talent.

I prayed every day of my life, asking an unknown god to guide me and be the father figure I always lacked.

I’ve made so many mistakes that I can’t count them.

I’ve ended up broke so many times that it no longer scares me. I’ve built and rebuilt myself under harsh and brutal circumstances, always feeling torn apart and lost.

Creativity and love for my family have often saved me from the abyss I felt inside.

Looking at the world and not recognising yourself in it. Yet I am always polite, kind, generous, and helpful to others. Despite this crazy sense of dissociation, I always feel compelled to help others, even at my own expense.

This was also one of my last experiences in the business I co-manage. I had to gather the courage to leave, partly pushed by third parties and partly to save myself.

People like me, who feel lost, need to be careful about who they associate with. Look for friends who have strong passions, who are visionaries, and who have values. And when I say values, I don’t just mean starting a family; I also look at what they fight for and probe their ideas and reasons.

People like us who feel lost cannot settle; if we settle, we die.

And we don’t want to die.

Be artists.

Be dreamers.

Seek your independence and virtue.

Don’t settle.

You are not lost. We are simply in this world with a higher mission. Often, this mission is not clear to us, and it consumes us. We support the wrong people, those who are selfish, greedy, stingy, and touchy. They make us ugly. It’s better to leave.

There is a reason for living, and you must follow it. Things went wrong before because you were in the wrong environment or looked at and embraced the wrong reasons.

You are not made for a normal life.

You are not made to walk the neighbour’s dog or drink beer at the pub with your friends.

You are meant to explore a world and a life different from those of ordinary people. Only by exploring that other side will you forget that you ever felt lost. You will finally have found your environment, your reasons, and who you really are. And you will express it ardently, transforming your sense of failure into a blessing.

Marcello